I am sitting here watching my sweet boy as he dreams and thinking about how much this little creature has changed me. I see the world so much differently than I did just 3.5 months ago. Some of that may just come from being over-emotional and sleep deprived but I am grateful for this change. I was meant to do this. This is who I am.
I have never had very much pride in my strengths or abilities- I am one of those "jack of all trades master of none" people who never really saw my potential.
Now I do.
I am a MOTHER to the most special little boy I could have ever imagined. And he adores me. I know it by the way he looks up at me with those big blue eyes when I'm nursing him or when I sneak a glance at him while he's sitting in his swing or carseat only to be surprised that he is already grinning back at me. He is so happy and I am so lucky to have him. I wish everyone in this world could meet him. I told Cooper the other day that I feel like our baby should have the job those sweet puppies do who go around cheering up hospital patients. He is amazing. All babies are.
I never anticipated the toll being a mother would take on my already sensitive heart- I worry constantly that I am providing the kind of care that baby B needs- I want to do everything right and show him so much how loved he is. Most of the time I feel like I am good at that. Finally I have something to be unequivocally proud of in regards to myself.
We are now to the point where people are very opinionated on certain topics like "sleep training." I have contemplated this topic a lot and I think the method I love the most is to just wait it out. He sleeps in a bassinette half the night and then I get to have him next to me the rest of it. He wakes up a couple times to nurse and I find myself a little tired oftentimes when morning comes when he is occasionally restless but I don't care. This stage doesn't last for long. I don't want to make my baby "cry it out" when I have no way of knowing what exactly he is crying for. I respect other people who have successfully implemented sleep training but I think I will love to look back at the little moments in the middle of the night that I have shared with my son. I'll take every little moment with him that I can get. He has already grown up so fast and after all, nothing is more important to me than nurturing and loving my baby.
I am doing the very best I know how and I think that is ultimately what it comes down to- after researching and seeking out well-meaning opinions, I know what is right for me and my son. I am doing my very best.
We all are.
I have never had very much pride in my strengths or abilities- I am one of those "jack of all trades master of none" people who never really saw my potential.
Now I do.
I am a MOTHER to the most special little boy I could have ever imagined. And he adores me. I know it by the way he looks up at me with those big blue eyes when I'm nursing him or when I sneak a glance at him while he's sitting in his swing or carseat only to be surprised that he is already grinning back at me. He is so happy and I am so lucky to have him. I wish everyone in this world could meet him. I told Cooper the other day that I feel like our baby should have the job those sweet puppies do who go around cheering up hospital patients. He is amazing. All babies are.
I never anticipated the toll being a mother would take on my already sensitive heart- I worry constantly that I am providing the kind of care that baby B needs- I want to do everything right and show him so much how loved he is. Most of the time I feel like I am good at that. Finally I have something to be unequivocally proud of in regards to myself.
We are now to the point where people are very opinionated on certain topics like "sleep training." I have contemplated this topic a lot and I think the method I love the most is to just wait it out. He sleeps in a bassinette half the night and then I get to have him next to me the rest of it. He wakes up a couple times to nurse and I find myself a little tired oftentimes when morning comes when he is occasionally restless but I don't care. This stage doesn't last for long. I don't want to make my baby "cry it out" when I have no way of knowing what exactly he is crying for. I respect other people who have successfully implemented sleep training but I think I will love to look back at the little moments in the middle of the night that I have shared with my son. I'll take every little moment with him that I can get. He has already grown up so fast and after all, nothing is more important to me than nurturing and loving my baby.
I am doing the very best I know how and I think that is ultimately what it comes down to- after researching and seeking out well-meaning opinions, I know what is right for me and my son. I am doing my very best.
We all are.
